Life after Death begins today.
“I was only supposed to be here for four days,” I said to everyone. But the truth was, I knew what was going to happen the entire time.
Three months ago I had a dream. It was the most vivid, detailed, memorable dream…
I was in a hotel conference room for a seminar with “The Indigenous Medicine Woman.” She had not yet arrived. I imagined this tribal woman, with tattoos and stretched ears, coming to tell us of ancient medicines. Everyone there seemed to know her and have seen her before. They were all wearing khakis and polos and seemed like some kind of adult students. One khaki said, “I know where they make the magic, where the medicines came from, where it all began. I can show you guys but we have to go now before she gets here.”
We all got into this long canoe like boat and traveled down through what I would imagine to be or felt like was a Central American exotic jungle river. We stopped at an ancient burial ground that looked like a little peninsula island with stones all around it. There was a sun god formation with a wide mouth and gaping teeth in the center of all these little idols made of bones. I saw indigenous Mayan/Aztec looking people hiding in the bushes looking back at us. I said to the others, “this is a very sacred place, these are VERY COMPLEX rituals, we know nothing about. We should not be here. We should go, now.”
Everyone went back to the hotel to meet for the seminar and “Medicine Woman’s” arrival. She arrived. She was a little white lady with white hair, glasses, slacks, and earrings. I was shocked and confused in the dream. Why does this woman look like an American grandmother?? is all I could think. She took us in the canoe back down the river. We went to the same place, only it was different. It seemed from a different time this time. She lined us up on the banks of the river. I was in front. She stood at the front of the line, back to the river, towering over me. She spoke, and when she spoke, her words had many meanings, but I understood. For example, when she said “You,” I understood that she meant, “you have, you are, you will,” as if her words were without time tense, and all encompassing. When she said “blood,” I knew she meant blood, but I also knew she meant “life.” I cannot explain this, but it was.
The medicine woman grandmother looked down to me, and said, “I have come here for you. I travel all over the world (but I knew world did not mean world as I thought of it, but something more vast,) everywhere, people want me to come. All of these people here wanted me to come. But I came here for you. I am here today because of you.”
She then held up my left wrist, with my arm straight out. She tapped my vein on the inside of my elbow with her first two fingers only, very hard and fast, two times. She said, “I see a lot of vibrant blood flowing through these veins, and I don’t see any blockages.” I had no idea what she was talking about and thought, she must not be THAT good… She looked at me and smiled knowingly with compassion, as if in response to my thought, and I knew she had heard it. Her look said, “sweet girl…she has no idea…” She sat down, and sat me down in front of her, holding my hand inside her hands with her hand over the top of mine, as if to comfort me. She said, “You wonder if you’re crossing over to the other side. But you’re going to be just fine. Just get plenty of rest, and take these.” She put into my hand a pile of green pills that I knew were superfoods. I asked her if Green Vibrance would be okay, but she had already moved on to the next person, as if to say, “you don’t need to ask me that. You know what to do.”
This all happened on a rainy day, torrential downpour if you will, when we had our first rainbow of the season.
The next morning I was so shocked by the vivid nature of my dream. I wrote down every detail. I drew what I saw there. I could close my eyes and look around my minds eye and see all the details for the rest of the day.
I had recently bought some Goddess Cards at Wings Bookstore. I had seen a Medicine Woman card in there so I thought I would read the description and see if there were any coincidences with the dream. Her name on the card was Ixchel, and it said she was the “Goddess” of “torrential downpour and rainbows.” I thought that was an interesting coincidence so I Wikied her. What I found sent me into a shock that lasted the rest of the day. I felt very strange as I read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ixchel.
Three months later, I find myself being rushed to the ER for “fatal blood loss.” My skin was turning blue, my lips were white, and my heart was racing like I was running a marathon but I could barely move. As I lay in the ER, staring at the tubes of blood being fed into my left arm inside my elbow, the Dr. re-enters the emergency room and says, “you have a tumor the size of a cantaloupe behind your uterus. It’s causing the bleeding. The tumor is preventing your vessels from closing up and stopping the blood flow. There is a lot of blood flowing through your veins, but no blockages!”
As I stared at the bright red tubes of blood being fed into my veins in the exact spot Ixchel had smacked with her fingers in my dream, her words rang thru my mental ears, “…you wonder if you’re crossing over to the other side…I see lots of vibrant blood flowing through these veins, but no blockages…” It sent shivers down my medicated spine, and all I knew was, this is allll part of the plan.
She smacked there two times…I survived after two emergency blood transfusions.
Two weeks later, in the hospital bed, the Dr. tells me this will be a complicated, difficult, major surgery. The tumor is behind the uterus, and the only way to remove it might be to remove everything, aka, my fertility as well. I told him I needed to leave the hospital and meditate. He convinced me not to. I stayed. I had 16 hours to decide whether or not to go through with the surgery. The chances of bleeding to death seemed inevitable if I didn’t. In spite of all the needles and nurses and scary things, I still had a very still quiet peace inside. I felt I was just watching this all from a window, waiting to see what was going to happen, knowing it was all just part of my story…
I said, “do it.”
The Dr. said, “are you sure? We can try other ways…I can’t guarantee you will keep your fertility. I will do my best, but the chances are great I will have to take it all due to the location.”
I said, “do it. You will do just fine. I have faith in you.” 🙂
Eight weeks later, here I sit. Empty of tumor. Full of healthy, functioning organs. Nothing lost. Barely a scar.
Ixchel, Wiki said, was known to be the Goddess of Fertility.
Women for ages have been making pilgrimages to her island in Southern Mexico to perform rituals to her for fertility.
I didn’t know any of this before the dream.
I came home “for four days,” to visit my home city, to see my family, blah de blah…but I knew when I got on that plane I was dying. I knew I had to make it home. I could feel the life leaving my body, and my internal urgings and the power of the universe magically landed me home across the country with my family about 8 hours after I realized I needed to go. Three days later I was admitted to the ER with a 5. hemoglobin count, which is nearly dead. Eight weeks later, I am still here, just now able to go back out into the world.
Once again, everything has been washed away by the powers that be. Three months off of work and being bed cared for by others and I empty my apartment, donate my furniture to the women’s shelter, and put my things in storage. Once again, I am looking at a blank canvas. The post-island life I was beginning to create in the tropics has been brushed aside and made to look frivolous in light of the family life I was blessed, through this situation, to revisit. Relationships I had left behind have been repaired and renewed, and I have a much deeper, more profound appreciation for “home.” The greatest loves in my life are here…if not much else. Once again, I am at a fork, with no particular plan. But as I look back at the pictures of the last three years of my life, which I have lived without a plan, I realize the philosophies I started out on this independent journey with, have all been proven true…that intuition does lead you to the best places, that goodness always wins, that faith is a wonderful gift…that the power of the universe is great and our perception defines us…that life is amazing, and will continue to be, without a rigid or definitive plan, but rather, with a bit of listening, a bit of finesse, and a lot of flow.
As I look back on the last three years, I almost can’t believe the life I’ve lived. The stories have written themselves, beautifully, and given this writer the most authentic of content.
I once wrote, “In a cloud of smoke, a burst of inspiration shines through…in my dreams, I fly all the time…do they come true? If time is relative, and youth is a fountain, I’m swimming in the sun…I’ve gone around the circle twice, and it’s only just begun…”
And so it will…begin again… 🙂
So here’s cheers, to life, on the day of my brother’s birth, on the day that my Susan Miller horoscope said would be sprinkled with Pixie Dust, and I got to have the best dream I’ve ever had about snuggling Beary, who’s name was really Pixie, on the day the Dr. says I can live again, on the day I’ve made amends with stars, the day I survived horrible tornadoes in my city last night, the day I am making birthday cookies for Destin and writing this little piece to you, to tell you I’m still here, I made it, I’m going to be okay, and to remind you, life is magic…every breath, every coincidence, every feeling in your gut that tells you something you can’t possibly know…is magic, it’s a gift, and wonderful, no matter what the circumstance…cheers to living, loving, creating, and wondering…cheers to all the questions this life has left me with…and cheers to someday finding out all the answers… and on, to the next adventure…🙂 ❤ LOVE ❤ S. 🙂